can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
