great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
