I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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