All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
