remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
