Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
