I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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