I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
