I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
