she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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