Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
