Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
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