Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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