good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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