and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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