Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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