More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
