Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
