literally had 100 drinks last night.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
