Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
