I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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