a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
