what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
