I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
