I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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