woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
