you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
