Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
