Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
