He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
