I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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