Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
