marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
