i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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