good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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