Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
