some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
