last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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