Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
