you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
