i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
