hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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