I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
