dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize