Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
