there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
