Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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