We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
