I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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