is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
two words...techno handjob
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
