my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
