Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
