i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
