All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
