I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
