smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
