you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
