Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
