sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
