yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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