we have officially lost it.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
