you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
