Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
