:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
