i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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