Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
