if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dicks are not precious.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
