what if every blade of grass was a penis?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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