So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
