My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I deserve this hangover.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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