6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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