what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
