you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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