My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
