I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize