I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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