My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
